I plan. God Laughs!

I have been wanting to blog for weeks now.  There have been so many trivial distractions.  I think I enjoy the distractions.  Anyway.  I have sort of sworn off men since March.  After the guy who wanted to move me into his place after 2 weeks.  Probably to keep a watchful eye on me.  He was so vehement in his proclamation of not being jealous that it was almost comical when he explained that he wanted me to stop hugging my friends whenever I saw them because he couldn't be with someone who had so many guy friends and hugged them.  He even had a problem with me kissing my girlfriends on the cheek.   I guess in his world you stay at least five paces from them as you wave a salutation.


My plan was not to date for at least 6 months.  OK, OK not too very long in the grand scheme of things.   I just wonder why, whenever I do, fate seems fit to send all these play things at me?  I can resist anything but temptation.   I've been good so far.  The casual flirtation with a colleague over the phone or a cyber flirtation online, nothing that could ever jump off and become real.  Nothing to be afraid of like commitment... lol


So I do enjoy a casual flirtation to break the monotony of everyday life.  I know I don't want to date, they know that and they play along, usually.  Really, do we have to meet?  I usually just 'play' with them til I'm bored.  By that time they get it too and it's over till they or I get bored again.  Then... someone different approached me through Facebook.  Not from my established FB Boy Toy collection.  We were already FB 'friends' so he just IM'd me and it started.  Now comes the rub,  he is the kind of guy I'd like to really have as a friend with benefits or a better translation is 'Amigos con derechos,sin derecho de tenerme siempre'.   But this one is different.  He has me crazy wild just at the sound of his voice.  It is so sexy and has a gravelly sensuality to it when he's tired.  He has me actually wanting to meet him.  He has aroused something in me that I thought I had under control.  That's it!  I feel like I'm not in control of my own wants and desires.  Who is this guy?  Why am I over thinking this?  Just stop it, right?  Nip it in the bud.  I've already decided no men until September. 


I am baffled.  He had me so excited that I even went back on my 'don't look back' rule and called Lips.  Oh those lips!  He was surprised, but ready to jump on the task at hand...  Lucky for me he was out of state.  I regret making that call, and am glad he was unavailable.  Now I'll have to deal with the repercussions when he returns to Cali and thinks it's on again.  Good grief what was I thinking.  I believe that's the point.  I was not!


That reminds me I'm going on a cruise in September with my bestie and several other wild women.  Hope Cabo is ready!  That's why September.  So when the girls go out, I can let loose and have a good time.  I can come back home refreshed and start all over in the dating world.   I really do need to take a break and figure me out.  


I want the best of both worlds.  I want a date and a booty call.   I want a boy friend that will act like a boyfriend when it suits me.  That guy friend that I can hang out with and watch sports  or the latest flick, but not have to be 'his'.  I want a guy who would treat me like I would treat him.  With respect and affection and honesty.  Be honest and say what we mean and feel.  Be affectionate when we are together in our own space, but let go at the door.  Nothing worse than a cling-on!  I want to be comfortable enough to spend the weekend with him and not have to check in the rest of the week.  At the same time I want a partner.  I know I am no where near ready for that though.


Funny, but my ultimate fantasy would be to have a man that I could build a successful business with.  A partner in life as well as in business.  Wow what a fantasy.  


Holy canole I'm frustrated, but I know just what would relax me... ;-)

Don't know what I want, but know what I don't want.

A friend recently asked how I knew what I wanted.   How was I so together, after all I'd been through?  I thought about it for a while.  Even prayed about it.  I've come to the realization that I don't know what I want.  Dating, however has made me painfully aware of what I don't want.  I don't want the same ol' guy I've had for most of my adult life.

I think I've been wrong when I say I don't really want anything serious.  I do.  Just not within a week of meeting. What I really mean is that I don't want anything too serious too quickly.  I am a very passionate person.  That attracts men who are emotionally needy.  I don't want to be asked to move in with you after 2 weeks.  That scares me.  I'd like to get to know someone, hang out with their friends and mine and still sleep over in the interim.  Not the first date of course, but I don't want to wait too horribly long.  For that matter how soon is too soon?  Can we have physical intimacy without sex?  Can we just cuddle? Not too long, because I don't think I'm a cuddler. Although I have been known to enjoy cuddling, usually I can't do it for very long.  I do in fact really enjoy kissing.  That I could do for days.  A man who can kiss is the sexiest thing I can think of.  Long slow sensual kisses that lead to more kissing.

I would like a boy friend, I would.  I haven't been too excited about the men I've dated lately though.  What is wrong with dating for a while.  Why does there have to be a label slapped on our foreheads?  Really?   Can I just introduce you to my friends as my date?  Will you be offended by that?  And If you are, will you discuss it with me or let it fester?

I don't want to be alone.  By the same token I don't want to be with somebody just because they are there.  Or because I know they won't hurt me or leave me or abuse me.  I want to fall in love and share my life with a man. My friend tells me I'm brutally honest.  I believe that if things aren't going to work out, they aren't going to work out and we shouldn't drag it out.  Someone is gonna get hurt and I'd just as soon it be now than later.

My ideal man.  Is there such a thing?  I just want someone who is able to carry on a conversation.  Is passionate, but can discuss any differences we may have or just agree to disagree.  I would of course like for him to be taller than me.  I'm a Latina and 5'8", which in Latina translates to Amazon woman.   So many things going on in my life.  I just can't get it out of my mind the feeling when something wonderful happens and there is no one there to share it with.  Or of course the times in life when ya just need a little strange and again there's no one you can call.  At least no one that you wouldn't regret later.

I chat with a friend of FaceBook, who is more a flirtation than anything else.  I know nothing will ever come of it, but sometimes it just feels good to be wanted.  On occasion I even flirt with 'Lips'  the guy who pulverized my heart.  I know I could never allow myself to be with him again, but in that moment, it is satisfying knowing that he wants me.  Dirty dog that he is.  That is one thing that now I'm wondering about.  I have a  rule.  If I break up with someone, I don't go back.  Ever.  Is that a good thing or not?   I tend to stay in a relationship until I am absolutely certain that I no longer want to continue.  Then, never look back.  Wondering if that's the best plan of action...

OK people I know you read this how about some feedback?

Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Good grief Charlie Brown!  When will I ever meet a real man?  I know they are out there.  Maybe It's my definition...  I believe a REAL MAN should be a gentleman and a guy.  A real woman will appreciate it.  I'm looking for a man who is as comfortable in a club situation as a Super Bowl party.  It's not about where you are, but who you are with.  We all make concessions, but do not play the martyr.   Whenever my X would agree to go out to dinner with me, he would get in the car, gaze deep into my eyes and say "We are only going out to dinner because you want to.  You know I enjoy eating in my own home more than anywhere else."  Oh how incredibly romantic huh...   Well hell yeah!  I'd be more comfortable after working a 60 hour week to eat at home too if I had someone else cooking for me and cleaning up afterward.  Hello!  I guess he must have forgotten I was the only one working.

Where the heck was I going with that?  Oh yeah.  Doing things you may not like, because your significant other does.  Absolutely.   If you convince me to do something I wouldn't otherwise do, just for you, I am there 100%.  No whining.  May not ever do it again, but that one time, I am committed to enjoy myself.  Try new things, you may enjoy it.  

Well the last guy I was so excited about, wasn't even willing to meet my friends.  He kept saying he was going to treat me like a Queen.  He wanted me to be happy, as long as it could be on his terms.  He wanted to be a part of my world, as long as it fit into his world.  lol  So yeah, not dating him anymore. I knew the minute he asked me to move in.  Yes, you read right, move in.  We hadn't even known each other for 2 weeks.  While he was asking I was smiling and thanking him for the offer.  Inside I was making mental notes of all exits and anything that could possibly be used as a weapon.  I'm thinking he assumed that was the quickest way into my pants, since everything else he tried wasn't working.  Damn It!  I was having fun too.

Ok  my ideal guy is a guy's guy.  A guy who can watch basketball with me, hang out with my friends or his, doesn't have to dance well, but has to be willing to dance.  A guy that wants to camp on the weekend or have backyard barbeques.   Throw a Super bowl party, go to the gym with me, not cuz he needs to, but because I think I do.  Go out to eat at the greasy burger place in town or the expensive steak house 2 hours away.   Enjoy Taco night as much as my kids and help clean up after.   Leave work at work, carry on a conversation til 2am then make-out til 4.   I'm willing to try new things and we both need 'me' time apart to do stuff.

OK I'm rambling...

Back to square one

I believe that everyone is different.  I don't subscribe to the idea that all men are the same.  Let me clarify:  I do know that physically speaking, all men have the same parts and those men and their parts can vary in size significantly.  The idea, however, that all men are dogs or that the next man you meet will do to you what the last one did, good or bad, is ridiculous to me.  I am a trusting soul.  I trust everybody until they give me a reason not to.  Which is, it seems, what leaves me open to getting hurt.  I have been told by friends, women and men alike, not to trust a man until they prove themselves trustworthy.  I'm still waiting for the barometer for that... That said, I refuse to give up on men in general.  There has to be one out there that is sincere in how he portrays himself.

I have an aversion to men who act out jealously.  I have my theory of jealousy.  I believe that the feeling that people refer to as jealous is in fact insecurity.  Maybe not in one's self or one's partner, but in the relationship itself.  Then, the actions following the insecurity is jealousy.  I have been told on more than on occasion that I'm a flirt.  Which has been a problem in relationships with insecure men in the past.  I do not consider myself a flirt.  In my defence, I am not shy.  I'll talk to anyone.  My friend once commented on what she observed while we were at a grocery store.  She had said that 'normal' people go to the grocery store and get what they need and leave.  You (me), on the other hand, talk to everybody and ask them non grocery questions and find out something personal about each of the people You speak to.  She gave this example:

    You go to the store for tomatoes, eggs, and milk.  You park, see the lady two cars away emptying her basket into her trunk.  You approach her and ask if you can take her cart for her if she's done.  Then you make a comment on her sunglasses or car or just anything about her that starts a 3 minute dialog ending in you knowing her husband hated her choice, but has gotten many compliments on it.  Next you approach the entrance to the store and the boy scouts out front selling popcorn with their adult chaperone.  You ask a question of the young boy that makes his chaperone laugh and the conversation starts.  Next you are inside perusing the tomatoes.  The Produce guy comes by and asks if you are finding everything alright.  You mention how ridiculous the price of tomatoes is and the fact that although there are dozens of local tomato fields, that the store sells tomatoes from Chile.  And the conversation starts.  By the end of that little chat you know his name, where his wife is from and that she doesn't want anymore kids but he'd like another boy.  Next you make it over to the dairy section.  Just a gallon of milk and a dozen of eggs is all you need.  Then you start a conversation that turns into this man telling you stories of his grandma letting him collect the eggs from her chickens and how her cakes were just the fluffiest.  Finally with your 5 items or less you make it to the check out line where you are in a conversation with the lady in front of you, the bag boy, and the cashier.   You leave that conversation knowing the cashier had gastric bypass 6 months earlier, the busboy is so shy he joined toastmasters and the lady is related to a guy you had a crush on in high school.

I say that's just being naturally curious.  I ask people sincere questions and so far they seem more than willing to answer sincerely.  But other people label it as flirtatious, and that's where problems arise.  My closest friend is insanely jealous and so is her husband and it works for them.  She wondered if I in fact had feelings for 'Lips' (the guy who broke my heart) because I wasn't jealous whenever he went on the road.  After my melt down when he broke up with me, she never doubted my feelings again.  She has known me through both marriages and cannot fathom how I can not feel jealous.  I explained that on occasion I do feel insecure about the man I'm with, myself, or just the relationship in general, but Idon't act on those feelings irrationally.  When that happens, I discuss my feelings and whatever scenario has made me feel that way with my partner.  It is easier to just discuss it than torture yourself, especially if your imagination is as incredibly vivid as mine...

So back to dating...  I decided that I would just get together with my girlfriends and let nature take its course, whatever direction it may choose.  So I went out a few times, but mostly I was too exhausted to go out.  So I hadn't.  Then I saw an odd post on Facebook wishing a friend of mine best wishes on her fresh new start.  HUH??  So I replied that I wish her well on her fresh start too, why wouldn't I.  2 seconds later I get a text from yet another friend saying the first friend's divorce was final today.   I decided to make it on out to the dive she manages and wish her well and drink a toast to brave new worlds.  

I hadn't been to the bar in a few months, so when I get there, I see her, we hug and she tells me to come on in and make myself at home.  The place was packed.  I went in, but didn't really see anyone I recognized.  Then I saw a man I knew.  I had just gotten off work and my eyes were killing me.  I didn't really see if he saw me or not.  Next thing I knew, he was making his way towards me.  He came up and started apologizing for something he thought he had done or said to me.  I told him not to worry about whatever he was rambling on about, because I didn't even remember the incident.   He invited me to join him with his nephew and friends for a drink.  I just had water.  He introduced me to his nephew.  He was kinda cute.  I loved his mustache.   He had a unique look and a gorgeous smile.  His uncle kept telling me how beautiful he thought I was and kept apologizing for something.  The Nephew kept trying to engage me in conversation, but I didn't want to be rude to uncle, so I tried to keep it short.   The uncle was trying to get me to drink.  I usually just drink ice water there because it is a little far from home.  Plus I hadn't decided if I was staying or not.   I had my water and was talking to both uncle and nephew and trying to watch the basketball highlights on the many TVs in the place.

It was Karaoke night, so there were lots of people there.  Some sang well and some sang,  well...  lol  Uncle was getting really close and louder and louder.  The cute nephew told the bartender 'whatever she wants and a bud lite'.  I don't know why, but I really liked that.  He didn't 'ask' me if I wanted a drink.  He just took charge and let me decide what to drink since he already decided that I was going to.  I liked his cockiness.   I got a shot of Patron Silver.  I drank my shot and went back to my water.  Uncle was visibly upset that Nephew bought me a drink.  I was mesmerized by the nephews stories, so the uncle turned his back to us and left us to our own devises.  His nephew was telling me I was beautiful, but unlike the uncle I really believed he thought I was.  I fell for his smile and his sense of humor.  He asked me if I would like to go out with him the next day.  I told him I would love to, but I had to work.  He asked what time I got off and when I told him, he said great we'll go then.

Things didn't work out quite as I had expected at work, so I wasn't available until late in the evening.  He was very understanding.  We met at a local restaurant and he treated me to a late dinner.  We drank.  He had a few beers, I drank my water and we talked for quite a while.  Then we dropped off my car and we went for a ride.  We were going to go to a club, but decided to just sit and talk in his truck.  He was really forthcoming and was letting me know he was interested.  I felt so comfortable and relaxed with him.  He notices little things and it feels good.  He reached around and pulled me close to him and kissed me.  It was HOT!!!  Wow!!!  Things were tingling!!!  He caressed me and kissed me and gently pulled my hair just enough to pull my head back and give me an incredibly sensual kiss.  WOW!!  I heard a soft moan and was a bit surprised when I realized it was coming from me.  He kept his head about him, was a gentleman and he got me home before midnight.  

I had an incredible time.  I always make first date notes on my calender.  This is what I wrote...  Great dinner conversation.  playful with a great sense of humor.  Interested in hearing about me.  Not afraid to admit past mistakes.  He treated by saying 'I got this babe'.  Wow what a great kisser.  Seems responsible.  Attentive.  Not pushy, not an Octopus.  Not my type?  He got me home early.  Waited until I got in...  Brownie points for the excellent kiss and waiting until I got in.  I am back to square one.  I am excited about the prospect of starting a new adventure with him.   He seems like he's very confident.  In fact a little cocky.  Funny, he cracks me up.  He's cute.  I'm excited.  He says he's not jealous, we'll see.  I can only hope... 

Compromise anything but yourself!

Mr. Angry Pottymouth (not his real name, lol) invited me to drive the hour plus drive down to visit him at work a few more times.  I didn't go.  I was getting bored of just going shopping at Best Buy with him.  That was his past time.  Shopping at Best Buys and Frye's.  He was actually physically unable to leave the house on Sunday's until he went through the sales ads.  Don't get me wrong, he was generous with the gifts.  Usually a DVD or some sort of computer accessory.  He even bought me a brand spanking new Sony Vaio and a DSi for Migui for Christmas.  (He worked at Sony)  

I told him I was really busy with work.  It was after all tax season, what did he expect.  He was forewarned.  I hadn't seen him since January 22 or so.  His birthday was on Valentine's day and we had already made plans to celebrate it together by seeing the movie Valentine's Day.  I text him to find out if we were still on.  Secretly hoping we were not.  He text me back saying he already had plans.  Not a problem.  Now I get to spend the day with the men I really love and care for, my two sons.  

I took Migui, Javi and his girlfriend out to eat at Maggiano's.  We all enjoyed the meal and conversation.  It was a family style meal and there were enough leftovers to feed Javi, his girlfriend and Migui for 2-3 days.  

OK back to Mr. Yelly Pottymouth.  He called a few more times and left messages inviting me here or there.   I was way too busy.  Then when I finally answered one of his calls, I could hear it in his voice.  He got it.  I still wasn't gonna do it though.  I let him know I was swamped and stressed out but didn't want to neglect him.  I asked if he wanted me to try to make it down to hang out with him on the weekend.  He said I was much too busy and should stay here and take care of my business and that he understood it was tax season.  Then one evening out of the blue, while I was visiting my friend M'Lu, he started interrogating me.  He was asking how could I possibly have that much work and didn't I tell him the deadline was 2 days ago.  I found myself explaining that no matter the deadline, if the work wasn't done, I had to keep working on it until it was.  Then deal with the consequences of submitting the quarterlies late.  M'Lu was looking at me mouthing "hang up!  Why is he yelling at you?"  Not 15 minutes earlier M'Lu and I were discussing the fact that I couldn't keep avoiding him, even if I was swamped.  Good grief do you blame me for not wanting to deal with him.  

I was eventually going to have do the breaking up.  This guy was just going to continue to be rude and yell at me as long as I let it continue.  I really was busy with taxes and came home too tired to return his calls.  Finally I called him back.  He wasn't picking up or returning my calls or texts.  So I stopped.  Then one day, around the 28th of February, he sends me an email saying that he cannot continue to date me.  (Whew!)  The reason he gave in the email was: I was a girl who's trying to get back on her feet after a divorce without the support of her family and that my family was too dysfunctional.  (WTF???)  He had never met my family and whether or not I had my family's support did not affect him in the least.  He even went so far as to tell me I needed to pay him back for gifts he had given me and my son for Christmas.  What an ARCE!  He is so delusional.  Didn't matter though, desired outcome attained.  I did pay him for the DSi he bought Migui for Christmas.   I honestly hope he is still going to counseling...  He doesn't even see that he has anger issues or OCD.  His last girlfriend, his parents and siblings all know he's OCD with anger issues and warned me as soon as they got the chance.   I pray for him, as does M'Lu

Well with Mr. Pottymouth out of the picture, I started going out again with my girlfriends.  I met an older gentleman who was an Electrician.  He turned out to be a grouchy old geezer and we never even made it out on a date.  Then I met a 42 year old guy at Coffee Bean who was very Christian and a gentleman.   We text and talked on the phone for a few days then met for coffee.  When we met for coffee.  I got their first.  I got a bottle of water and waited in my car.  When he got their, we decided to sit and talk in my car.  We talked for hours.  We people watched and finally watched as they closed Coffee Bean.  It was a great conversation.  We hit all the taboo subjects, politics, sex, religion, ex's and everything in between.   And then he did it...  Yes boys and girls he asked it, my pet peeve.  The dreaded, 'can I kiss you?' but he put a twist on it.  He asked after he did it.  A girlfriend has a favorite saying, 'It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.'  Apparently it was his motto.  No matter, because when he left, he came around to my door, opened it and pulled me out for another kiss.  It was then that I realized he was shorter than I and had a tiny frame.  Good grief I may snap him in two in the heat of passion.  lol  He text me shortly after to let me know how very much he enjoyed the kiss.  We text back and forth a few times.  He had an athletic build, just on a tiny frame.  

I wasn't too into him.  Quite frankly, I was surprised that he seemed so into me.  I didn't feel the chemistry.   He started referring to me as amor in his texts.  He was sweet. We spoke often text more.   Nothing was going to come of it.  I couldn't even imagine us as a couple.  Then to my surprise, after several text asking me to call him, he called.  I had to let it go to voice mail.  On my way home, I checked my voice mail.  He had let me know that he didn't feel chemistry and didn't want to drag it out any longer.  He was so classy in how he said it and did it, I had to return the call.  I got his voice mail.  I left a message telling him I did get the message, no worries, and thanked him for being such a gentleman.  The next day while with a client I got a call from him, but again had to let it go to voice mail.  On my way home I retrieved my messages (yes I have a Bluetooth) and he simply said 'Classy lady, please call me.'  I did.  He told me that he appreciated the fact that I didn't call him names or go crazy or turn on the bitch mode because he told the truth.  I told him I appreciated the fact that he tried to actually call and speak to me directly instead of texting what he had to say.  We spoke for a good hour and left it at that.  I went home with a smile on my face with the knowledge that there still are gentlemen out there that are responsible, don't yell, name call or act a fool.

I have many guy friends and I hear them talk about breaking up with women or even just getting them angry.  The general consensus is that women freak out if you break up with them even if they want to break up too.  It's these bitches that give the rest of us a bad name!  I know I don't want to have to be the one to do the breaking up.  It just sucks.  Sometimes you just know.  Like if two people super glue the tips of their index fingers together, you know the one with the thicker skin is gonna be alright.  It's the same in relationships.  There is usually an inequality in the degree of feeling each individual feels for the other.  One loves the other just a tad more.  They are the ones who get the tip of their index finger ripped off and it remains raw until it heals.  On occasion it gets picked at and never really heals well.  Love, I believe is about compromise, however the key is to be willing to compromise anything but yourself.  If you are in a relationship and can maintain the essence of you, you're on the right track.  Many people change for their partner, some forever not for better.   That reminded me of 'In My Life' by the Beatles.  Yes I'm such a Beatles fan...

The picker's on the fritz Written February 5, 2010

It is so amazing how off I am when it comes to picking men. I used to have a rule about not dating anyone younger than I.  In fact he had to be at least 5 years older than me. In June 2009 I met and fell hard for the Latino with the luscious lips. He was 37, 6 years younger.  Can you say C-O-U-G-A-R?  My friends called him my Tiger Cub.  We were passionate about everything. You literally could not wipe, smack or beat the smile off my face to save your life. I was so blissfully happy I had finally let go and let someone into my life and heart.  I hadn't let anyone get remotely close to me emotionally since Javi's dad. (yes that was before my last X husband.  Sad I know.)  Now, in retrospect, it seems odd that everyone who knows me had told me that the Latino with the luscious lips looked like a chunky version of Javi's dad. Same smile, same face, same cocky attitude. Well they both did have one thing in common. I loved them and we had incredible sexual chemistry.

Lips n I at Compadres sports bar.  One our last dates Oct 2009

Turns out Lips was separated, not two weeks before we met, and still married with no divorce in sight. In fact, his excuse when he broke up with me was he was going to fight to get his wife and family back, so he could no longer see me. WOW!!! Ouch! I was still in love with him and boy did that hurt! Yes it left a mark.  He still stalks me to this day.  He calls and leaves messages like he's my love mentor.  'Try to love someone else mija.  Let someone love you.'   Weird!

Shortly after Lips pulverized my heart, I met a nice young man that I wasn't attracted to at all.  He was not Latino.  We went on our first date the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We met for dinner at 8pm and said our good-byes at 5am Wednesday morning in the restaurant parking lot. We had talked all night. Gotta love a man who can carry on a conversation. This boy can talk.

Second date I invited him to see a movie Wednesday evening. "The Blind Side" We watched the 10pm show and stayed up til 5am again. We went to Starbucks for coffee afterward and sat and talked some more.  Okay he talked I listened.  We even met a woman and her daughter and talked with them for a good couple hours as well. We finally left and went to have some breakfast. Oh my! He had me rolling! He made me laugh so hard. I kept telling him 'I must be delirious from the sleep deprivation, because you can't be that funny.' He assured me he was, in fact, that funny.  I don't even know what we talk about, but it was captivating. We kept telling each other we should leave but never did until after dark, close to 7.

I was excited. He wasn't really my type and I wasn't really attracted to him, but he intrigued me. Two all night dates and not so much as a peck? What's wrong with him? (I know, I know, not 'what's wrong with me?'...As if!) Then a third date. He invites me to see Planet 51. I drove the hour plus drive out to meet him at his work (a movie studio) to see it in a screening room for the employees.  It was cute movie. We again stayed up talking til the sun came up. Still not even hand holding! Finally when it was most definitely time to leave, he did it. Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, my pet peeve!  The question... "Can I kiss you?"...  What is that? I prefer a confident man, an in control and take charge kind of guy.  You know, the pull you by the hair and drag you back to the cave kind of guy, who doesn't ask if he can kiss you because he knows he can!  But, alas, he is not!   The kiss was nice, although none that followed have been quite as nice.  Yes I said it, just nice.   I once told my X husband(#2) that I would cheat just to make out with someone who knows how to kiss well. hmmm. yummmm.  I do love a man with a gift for kissing.  Luscious Lips was a damn good kisser.  He could nearly knock me off my feet with his delicious kisses.  Come to think of it so was my first X.  He gave me the take your legs out from under you and sweep you away kind of kisses.  This guy, not even close.  It was just nice.

Well we go out almost every weekend.  I usually go out to see him.  He lives in the valley, close to LA and the entertainment industry he works in.  I find myself wondering why.  I'm not attracted to him.  He has anger management issues, and OCD issues, and ADD ADHD issues, let's face it he's got the whole damn subscription not just a few issues...  And, he yells.  I like him less and less the more I get to know him.

He invited me to go on a road trip with him to meet the family.  L.A. to Texas then Oklahoma.  Lord his family put the fun in dysfunction!  He and his brother are so hostile and crotchety.  Well I understand why the dad is the way he is.  Those sons of his!  Wow talk about disrespecting their mom.   She is a wonderful Christian woman, but the men in that family, wow.  First day I wanted to hide under a rock and wish them into a cornfield!  After arriving at his family's home in Texas, I was informed that we would be taking a trip to Oklahoma to see the Festival of Lights.  It was a beautiful sight.   Just ignore all the negativity Christy and it will go away...NOT!  Soon thereafter nagging, name calling, profanities and insubordination reigned.  Everything was such drama.  I had a good time, despite it all.  Mostly because I hung out with his mom and talked.  She couldn't apologize enough.  Poor thing, I could tell she was embarrassed at their behavior, but was helpless to do anything.   I was on eggshells the whole time.  I had never seen him this way before.   Boy did he show his true colors.  I did not like it at all, NO I did not, and told him so.

Me n Mr. Yelly Potty Mouth 

New Years 2010 in Chikasha,OK.

After we got back from the trip, things have gone from bad to worse.  He has issues with lateness.  He was always late, but not like 5-10 minutes but hours and days.  His parents had confided that he had lost several jobs because of it.  He was due to arrive at their house on Sunday and we got there on Wednesday... We didn't even leave until Monday, a good 9 hours after he told me we needed to leave.  Finally he confides in me that his last girlfriend told him he had anger management issues and he was in therapy for his lateness.  I asked if the counselor helped with his anger management.  He got angry and yelled at me that he had no anger management issues.  uh huh.  No way I was gonna ask about the OCD issues or anything else.

On one particular occasion, he made me wait 6 hours for him to get going.  We were supposed to go out for breakfast at 10am.  It was literally after 4pm in the afternoon when he was finally ready.  Then the place I had chosen was apparently too far for him to wait to eat.  He was literally screaming profanities at the top of his lungs at me because he didn't want to drive too far.  This after he had made me wait 6 hours for his lazy OCD ADHD ass to get ready.  I told him that yelling, in my mind is unacceptable behavior.  He told me he didn't respond well to threats.  I assured him it was no threat merely a statement of fact.  I still keep going out to see him, although I don't know why.

Well we're still dating, I think. I have been busy with tax season and all.  I haven't responded to his emails or text or calls.  We haven't seen each other in 2 weeks. this weekend I have free time, but it seems like he doesn't.  Well let me explain.   On this road trip to visit his parents, he got a speeding ticket and this weekend he has to do the traffic school.  So much for a relaxing weekend with him.  (can ya smell the sarcasm?)  He's got too much going on this weekend. I'll be bored, right?  I don't want to be a distraction...   My feeling is at this point, why bother.

Just don't really want to be the one to do the breaking up.  He has to know already, right???

Finding Hidden Treasures - Written June 19, 2009

I am constantly amazed at the weird and wonderful twists and turns in this adventure we call life...

A few short weeks ago I was invited to go out to the comedy club in the Ventura Harbor. What was supposed to have happened was:   I was going to meet my 2 girl friends one of their new beaus, along with my X and his friend For comedy that night.  Yes my X and I are friends and on occasion hang out.

My X was going to drop off our (18 yr old) son at the bowling alley, then pick up his friend (I'll call him Bill), then meet us at the Comedy Club.  I got a call from my son saying he was going to need me to take him and his friends to the bowling alley because his dad was finishing a mural. Not a problem.  Then I get a call from my X asking if I can pick up Bill, because he's on my way to the Comedy Club.  He wasn't sure he could make it out to Bill's and make it on time to Comedy.  OK, sure, fine, not a problem.  So now I've dropped off my son, picked up Bill and am at the Harbor ready for comedy.  I get a call and find out that only one of my girlfriends is going to make it.  I'm still holding out hope that my X is going to show up.  However I've learned, that although I look awesome in blue, I shouldn't hold my breath for my X to come through with anything.  He never does show up.  What a surprise!  (Can you smell the sarcasm?)  So here I am with Bill, my girlfriend and her new beau. Awkward! The comedy was hilarious! Enjoyed myself completely.

Comedy is over, my friend and her new beau have other plans so they leave.  I still have to wait around another 2 hours to go pick up my son.  I ask Bill if he wants to go look for a good spot to hang out at on Main St. until it's time to pick up my son. He agrees and we take off to Main St.

We were walking down Main St. when I hear this woman singing in this little hole in the wall place called Charlene's. I wanted to go in. Something about her voice called me. I was absolutely drawn to that place.  Bill wanted me to show him where I usually hung out. So we walked a few blocks more then turned around and started heading back.  I practically sprinted back to Charlene's.   I wasn't taking no for an answer this time, we were going to go inside and listen to that woman sing!  So we went inside. There were no open tables, except for this one with this Latino texting like a mad man.  I asked Bill to ask if the seats at the Latino's table were taken.  He said he was embarrassed to go ask a strange man to sit with him and we should just leave.  (Yeah right!)   I asked the gorgeous Latino sitting alone at the only table with 2 open seats if we could sit in the 2 extra chairs he had at his table. He graciously allowed us to sit at his table. To my dismay, the song she was singing, 'At last' was her last song of the evening. I was a bit upset, so I asked the Bill to find out when she would be singing here again. He got up and went to get the info I requested. In the mean time, I am drooling over this Latino's luscious lips. I started up a conversation with him. He was busy texting. He finally gave me his full attention and wanted to know if the guy I was with was my husband or boyfriend. Neither, I answered, and we continued our conversation about what we each did for a living. He asked me if I preferred black men.  (Did I mention, Bill is Black?)  I had to let him know that I had never dated a black guy, that I was attracted to Latinos. Bill comes back, I send him off for a drink. We, Luscious lips and I continue our conversation.  He asked me if I knew exactly what it was that I was attracted to in Latino men. Then he started talking to me in Spanish, I hadn't even noticed that Bill had come back. He asked me to get him a quote and gave me his phone number. I put his number in my phone and he told me to call him so I could be sure I put it in my phone correctly.   DUH!!!!  That was the first and last time I fell for that one.

Picture of 'Lips' our 1 month anniversary sitting at the table we met at.

He said his good-byes and told me what a pleasure it was to meet me. Gave me that 2 handed handshake that men do when they just want to touch as much of you as they can get away with...  And he was gone.
 
Then Bill turned to me and said how incredibly rude it was for us to be speaking Spanish just to exclude him from the conversation. I assured him that was not the intention. He assured me that it most certainly was the gentleman's intention if not mine. He proceeded to politely tell me that it was rude for his date to be flirting with other men right in front of his face... Excuse me?  Your date???  He then let me know that my X had set me up with him.  He was not going to accept that I didn't know.  But I didn't.  Then my son, who by the way, has impeccable timing, called to let me know it was time to go pick him up... Yeah!  Okay buddy think what you want, but I've gotta go drop your ass off so I can pick up my son and his friends. Later!

I didn't hold out much hope that the Latino with the Luscious lips would call me. If I wanted to start something I would probably have to really get him a quote on Monday...  Bill disagreed.  He told me he'd be surprised if the snake didn't call or text me before I got home.  Oh my!  How dare you call Luscious Lips a snake!  To my surprise, by the time Bill and I had reached my car, Luscious Lips had already text me. He had said what a pleasure it was to have met me, and that he would very much like to see me again for a cup of coffee or a drink or just anything I would be agreeable to and he said he hoped I had an enjoyable evening.  WOW!!!

On our first date.

To be continued....

Who changed the rules? Is it still the same game? Written April 7, 2009

OH MY!   I think I need a playbook.  What the heck is going on?  I was so thrilled at having a drama free guy!  Where did he go?  Maybe it's me?  (Yeah Right!)  I was enjoying going out and seeing movies, having dinner, just kicking it with his friends or mine.  All our friends were told we were just friends at this point.  We had no boyfriend or girlfriend label slapped across our foreheads.  We were enjoying the noncommittal commitment we had.  Weren't we?  I really really enjoyed it. Now it's gotten weird.

For instance, last weekend there was a BBQ at his friends house.  His friend, who I go out with, with or without him, invited me to her hubby's 50th.  We were both invited, just separately.   I hadn't heard from him to say that 'we' were going or anything. So the day of, I informed him, that I would be going. I was after all I was invited. I just hoped he wouldn't mind. He just says sure, pick up a b-day card for the birthday boy that he could give him.  That was it.  No big thing.  Cool.   So I assumed (I know, I know, never assume) that we are just going as 2 friends, like anybody else. I am cool with that.

So I get there, hug the friends I already know and I start to mingle.  I strike up a conversation with the b-day boy's sister and friend. Doing the get to know everybody I don't already know thing. Then he comes over and starts talking to me.  Cool!  He's a great conversationalist.  Then he introduces me to his boss and a few other co-workers.  I walk outside, he joins me, introduces me to other friends.  Then he's back inside and I'm outside talking with the guys out there.  Listening to stories about the birthday boy and pranks they pulled on each other in college.  Good stuff!

All in all, a good time was had by all (or at least I had a good time). Once the crowd thinned, there were a few of the b-day boys closest friends left. And as tradition dictates, the guys had to tell the new friend all the birthday boys most embarrasing and funny stories.  I am really enjoying the story-telling when he (the guy formerly known as Drama-Free) get's up and announces that we should be leaving now. (Oh! No you dih-n't homey) Oh, but yes, he did.  Oh my!

So now I'm wondering... WTF?  Why are you trippin'?  Are we or aren't we? And if we are, what are we? Or are you just being dramatic? I need to talk to this boy cuz I just don't get it. Again...WTF?

Dating and other acts of self inflicted pain. Written 02-01-2009

So here I am again, dating. It is a wonderful time in my life. I am successful in my chosen career, but am being called (by some) a Cougar. Dating is so much fun, although I must say, guys are harder to read these days than I remember. Some are so gun-shy, the minute you start enjoying yourself they trip. Others are so afraid to be alone they rush in like a bull and scare me off. (Maybe I'm the one who's gun-shy.) I love men, they are so much more fun to play with than girl friends. They are so much easier to get along with than women. Women are brutal! I do have a handful of girl friends that are very very close, but for the most part I really would rather spend my time with a special guy. Perhaps it's where I am in life. I've been single, married and divorced and truly prefer having a partner on this journey we call life.


Started dating in January 2008. Went out with the sweetest guy. He had a young son, and he was ready to settle down again. EEK! I'm sure he's replaced the Christy shaped hole in his front door by now. lol What ever happened to courting or dating or whatever you call that time when two people take each other out for a test drive before deciding to buy? We just weren't in the same place or heading toward the same goal.


Next I thought I'd just stick to my guy friends... You know regular platonic relationship, but you get a dance partner without the strange looks from people. Thought I'd go to the movies or to dinner with my guy friends. With one guy in particular we did do the movie thing pretty consistently for about 4 months. For me it was heaven. He paid for one movie, I got the pocorn and drinks, then we'd switch it for the next movie. I could go in sweats and not have to worry what my hair or make-up looked like. Then one day over dinner he tells me that he wants to know where we stand as a couple. (HUH!!!) He says "We've been dating for 4 months now, I just wanna know where it's going?" Lucky for me the restaurant had the doors wide open...


Seriously though, how did that get in his head? I was absolutely certain that I made myself perfectly clear, that we were just friends! We hadn't held hands or kissed or... you know. So what am I doing wrong? I hear from some of my girlfriends that their guys are afraid to commit or to even call them their girlfriend. So why can't I have that casual noncommitted relationship where we just have fun and skip the drama??? Do I have a sign that says 'If your needy hook up with me!' on my booty??? (Yes it's big enough to handle a bumper sticker that long...) Okay so he and I still go out to the movies, but I did have to sit him down and explain that: #1 he's 17 years younger than I am, and #2 I really need a man who's a little bit more confident, assertive, decisive. And WTF is up with guys who ask if they can kiss you or say as they are doing so "I'm coming in, I'm gonna kiss you, don't turn away" Baby, if you are gonna do it 'echele ganas, Papi!' Don't even want to imagine what sex is like with that guy!


So then this whole time my X (my oldest son Javi's dad) is living with me, but not 'with' me. And he trips too! WTH! He starts asking those what if questions. Oh my! He is a really good kisser and we had incredible sexual chemistry... 18 years ago! Hello there was a very good reason why we are Xes We did share a few kisses while he was living in my house, nothing more. As my gramma would say "la chancla que tire, no vuelvo a juntar" Roughly translated: 'what I've thrown out, I won't go back to pick up'. We are better parents as friends. I am very proud that we are friends. I've seen how horrible some people treat their kids other parent. Good Lord what are you teaching your children?!


Next a string of dates with guys my chronological age, but mentally at least 20 yrs my senior or 20 yrs my junior. Not one good kisser in the bunch. Then...


My girl friends (and my X hates when I say girl friend, cuz he hears girlfriend and gets explicit pix in his brain) put a profile on a dating website for me. Again, a few weird dates in public places. Until this One. My girl friends picked him out because his profile said he was not looking for a serious relationship, only someone to catch a flick or have a meal with. Hey sounds like a winner! He made me very relaxed. He's not looking to marry anytime soon, not possessive, incredibly confident, but not arrogant and a great kisser. We hit it off, but he does occasionally freak out on me. I have to remind him 'we're just having fun, so sit back, relax and enjoy'. NSA...


OUR FIRST DATE


It was really interesting, because I was reluctant to actually go on the date. In fact, I kept putting it off. Then, I decided, I should just get it over with, what do I have to lose? Except maybe a little time, right? When I saw him, he was soooo not my type! I immediately started trying to think of a nice way to get the heck out of there. I was so sure I wasn't staying, I ordered water. Can't drink and drive, right? We drank out drinks, and were going to look for another place to sit and talk. I was planning on just letting him know that I just wasn't that into him and heading back to my car. But then, there was something about the way it felt when he put his hand on my back to guide me out of the place. It made me want to stay just a little longer. (HUH?? he's not my type!) It was calming and exciting at the same time, sort of like sex. WTH? OK, let's hang out for just a little longer and see how this plays out. But I'm still just drinking water! We walked down Main St in Ventura and went to a hole in the wall cantina, just walked in and out again. Then he took me to a different place not too far from the cantina. We went in and sat outside in the patio and talked. It was cold but I was really interested in what he was saying. (What? He's soooo not your type!) He had his arm on the back of the couch/patio chair thing, just brushing my back slightly when we moved. I liked it or as George Lopez would say 'I likeded it.' He put his hand on the back of the couch and gently brushed his hand against my back. Not to terribly bold, but provocative. Again, I likeded it. It felt so ol' skool. It was his confidence that made it smooth. I likeded it. I really had a good time with him. It's so refreshing to not have any expectations or have anything demanded of you...


I was so at peace and happy. I truly believe a relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic mingling, should take some nurturing, but not stress you out! I'm so liking this... No strings attached (unless we're in a bondage sort of mood ;o) Mind you, he still has his moments of uncontrolled weirdness and paranoia, but I'm dealing with it. He is by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but that's the cool part. He doesn't have to be, no expectations. There is a quote my dad gave me 'Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed'. I love that! He says he's never met anyone quite like me. I get that often, but not usually as a compliment. It's usually after I ask him to leave cuz 'I'd like to go to sleep now, please.' Or when I try to sneak out at 4am...


I've never had a relationship with a man that didn't start out as purely physical. And by the way, it's men who confuse sex with love. How does that happen? How do you confuse leg shaking, sweaty, sweet, moaning, grunting and groaning, bodily fluid exchanging, painfully pleasurable sex with love? Especially if you don't even know their last name, favorite food, pet peeve, tickle spot, political view, life's ambition, or sometimes even their first name. Hard to confuse the two, right? I'm just sayin'. Not that that's ever happened to me. I've married my one night stand, so I wouldn't know. My dad has one bit of advise for me now that I'm divorced, again. 'Mija you don't have to marry them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings... They're men, they'll get over it.' He even went so far as to give me the advice I gave him when contemplating leaving my mom. 'Mijita, you need to follow your bliss and be happy. You can't be miserable so someone else won't get hurt.'


I try to remember that now, because truly, it is much better to nip it in the bud before he blooms on ya!