So here I am again, dating. It is a wonderful time in my life. I am successful in my chosen career, but am being called (by some) a Cougar. Dating is so much fun, although I must say, guys are harder to read these days than I remember. Some are so gun-shy, the minute you start enjoying yourself they trip. Others are so afraid to be alone they rush in like a bull and scare me off. (Maybe I'm the one who's gun-shy.) I love men, they are so much more fun to play with than girl friends. They are so much easier to get along with than women. Women are brutal! I do have a handful of girl friends that are very very close, but for the most part I really would rather spend my time with a special guy. Perhaps it's where I am in life. I've been single, married and divorced and truly prefer having a partner on this journey we call life.
Started dating in January 2008. Went out with the sweetest guy. He had a young son, and he was ready to settle down again. EEK! I'm sure he's replaced the Christy shaped hole in his front door by now. lol What ever happened to courting or dating or whatever you call that time when two people take each other out for a test drive before deciding to buy? We just weren't in the same place or heading toward the same goal.
Next I thought I'd just stick to my guy friends... You know regular platonic relationship, but you get a dance partner without the strange looks from people. Thought I'd go to the movies or to dinner with my guy friends. With one guy in particular we did do the movie thing pretty consistently for about 4 months. For me it was heaven. He paid for one movie, I got the pocorn and drinks, then we'd switch it for the next movie. I could go in sweats and not have to worry what my hair or make-up looked like. Then one day over dinner he tells me that he wants to know where we stand as a couple. (HUH!!!) He says "We've been dating for 4 months now, I just wanna know where it's going?" Lucky for me the restaurant had the doors wide open...
Seriously though, how did that get in his head? I was absolutely certain that I made myself perfectly clear, that we were just friends! We hadn't held hands or kissed or... you know. So what am I doing wrong? I hear from some of my girlfriends that their guys are afraid to commit or to even call them their girlfriend. So why can't I have that casual noncommitted relationship where we just have fun and skip the drama??? Do I have a sign that says 'If your needy hook up with me!' on my booty??? (Yes it's big enough to handle a bumper sticker that long...) Okay so he and I still go out to the movies, but I did have to sit him down and explain that: #1 he's 17 years younger than I am, and #2 I really need a man who's a little bit more confident, assertive, decisive. And WTF is up with guys who ask if they can kiss you or say as they are doing so "I'm coming in, I'm gonna kiss you, don't turn away" Baby, if you are gonna do it 'echele ganas, Papi!' Don't even want to imagine what sex is like with that guy!
So then this whole time my X (my oldest son Javi's dad) is living with me, but not 'with' me. And he trips too! WTH! He starts asking those what if questions. Oh my! He is a really good kisser and we had incredible sexual chemistry... 18 years ago! Hello there was a very good reason why we are Xes We did share a few kisses while he was living in my house, nothing more. As my gramma would say "la chancla que tire, no vuelvo a juntar" Roughly translated: 'what I've thrown out, I won't go back to pick up'. We are better parents as friends. I am very proud that we are friends. I've seen how horrible some people treat their kids other parent. Good Lord what are you teaching your children?!
Next a string of dates with guys my chronological age, but mentally at least 20 yrs my senior or 20 yrs my junior. Not one good kisser in the bunch. Then...
My girl friends (and my X hates when I say girl friend, cuz he hears girlfriend and gets explicit pix in his brain) put a profile on a dating website for me. Again, a few weird dates in public places. Until this One. My girl friends picked him out because his profile said he was not looking for a serious relationship, only someone to catch a flick or have a meal with. Hey sounds like a winner! He made me very relaxed. He's not looking to marry anytime soon, not possessive, incredibly confident, but not arrogant and a great kisser. We hit it off, but he does occasionally freak out on me. I have to remind him 'we're just having fun, so sit back, relax and enjoy'. NSA...
OUR FIRST DATE
It was really interesting, because I was reluctant to actually go on the date. In fact, I kept putting it off. Then, I decided, I should just get it over with, what do I have to lose? Except maybe a little time, right? When I saw him, he was soooo not my type! I immediately started trying to think of a nice way to get the heck out of there. I was so sure I wasn't staying, I ordered water. Can't drink and drive, right? We drank out drinks, and were going to look for another place to sit and talk. I was planning on just letting him know that I just wasn't that into him and heading back to my car. But then, there was something about the way it felt when he put his hand on my back to guide me out of the place. It made me want to stay just a little longer. (HUH?? he's not my type!) It was calming and exciting at the same time, sort of like sex. WTH? OK, let's hang out for just a little longer and see how this plays out. But I'm still just drinking water! We walked down Main St in Ventura and went to a hole in the wall cantina, just walked in and out again. Then he took me to a different place not too far from the cantina. We went in and sat outside in the patio and talked. It was cold but I was really interested in what he was saying. (What? He's soooo not your type!) He had his arm on the back of the couch/patio chair thing, just brushing my back slightly when we moved. I liked it or as George Lopez would say 'I likeded it.' He put his hand on the back of the couch and gently brushed his hand against my back. Not to terribly bold, but provocative. Again, I likeded it. It felt so ol' skool. It was his confidence that made it smooth. I likeded it. I really had a good time with him. It's so refreshing to not have any expectations or have anything demanded of you...
I was so at peace and happy. I truly believe a relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic mingling, should take some nurturing, but not stress you out! I'm so liking this... No strings attached (unless we're in a bondage sort of mood ;o) Mind you, he still has his moments of uncontrolled weirdness and paranoia, but I'm dealing with it. He is by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but that's the cool part. He doesn't have to be, no expectations. There is a quote my dad gave me 'Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed'. I love that! He says he's never met anyone quite like me. I get that often, but not usually as a compliment. It's usually after I ask him to leave cuz 'I'd like to go to sleep now, please.' Or when I try to sneak out at 4am...
I've never had a relationship with a man that didn't start out as purely physical. And by the way, it's men who confuse sex with love. How does that happen? How do you confuse leg shaking, sweaty, sweet, moaning, grunting and groaning, bodily fluid exchanging, painfully pleasurable sex with love? Especially if you don't even know their last name, favorite food, pet peeve, tickle spot, political view, life's ambition, or sometimes even their first name. Hard to confuse the two, right? I'm just sayin'. Not that that's ever happened to me. I've married my one night stand, so I wouldn't know. My dad has one bit of advise for me now that I'm divorced, again. 'Mija you don't have to marry them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings... They're men, they'll get over it.' He even went so far as to give me the advice I gave him when contemplating leaving my mom. 'Mijita, you need to follow your bliss and be happy. You can't be miserable so someone else won't get hurt.'
I try to remember that now, because truly, it is much better to nip it in the bud before he blooms on ya!
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