I plan. God Laughs!

I have been wanting to blog for weeks now.  There have been so many trivial distractions.  I think I enjoy the distractions.  Anyway.  I have sort of sworn off men since March.  After the guy who wanted to move me into his place after 2 weeks.  Probably to keep a watchful eye on me.  He was so vehement in his proclamation of not being jealous that it was almost comical when he explained that he wanted me to stop hugging my friends whenever I saw them because he couldn't be with someone who had so many guy friends and hugged them.  He even had a problem with me kissing my girlfriends on the cheek.   I guess in his world you stay at least five paces from them as you wave a salutation.


My plan was not to date for at least 6 months.  OK, OK not too very long in the grand scheme of things.   I just wonder why, whenever I do, fate seems fit to send all these play things at me?  I can resist anything but temptation.   I've been good so far.  The casual flirtation with a colleague over the phone or a cyber flirtation online, nothing that could ever jump off and become real.  Nothing to be afraid of like commitment... lol


So I do enjoy a casual flirtation to break the monotony of everyday life.  I know I don't want to date, they know that and they play along, usually.  Really, do we have to meet?  I usually just 'play' with them til I'm bored.  By that time they get it too and it's over till they or I get bored again.  Then... someone different approached me through Facebook.  Not from my established FB Boy Toy collection.  We were already FB 'friends' so he just IM'd me and it started.  Now comes the rub,  he is the kind of guy I'd like to really have as a friend with benefits or a better translation is 'Amigos con derechos,sin derecho de tenerme siempre'.   But this one is different.  He has me crazy wild just at the sound of his voice.  It is so sexy and has a gravelly sensuality to it when he's tired.  He has me actually wanting to meet him.  He has aroused something in me that I thought I had under control.  That's it!  I feel like I'm not in control of my own wants and desires.  Who is this guy?  Why am I over thinking this?  Just stop it, right?  Nip it in the bud.  I've already decided no men until September. 


I am baffled.  He had me so excited that I even went back on my 'don't look back' rule and called Lips.  Oh those lips!  He was surprised, but ready to jump on the task at hand...  Lucky for me he was out of state.  I regret making that call, and am glad he was unavailable.  Now I'll have to deal with the repercussions when he returns to Cali and thinks it's on again.  Good grief what was I thinking.  I believe that's the point.  I was not!


That reminds me I'm going on a cruise in September with my bestie and several other wild women.  Hope Cabo is ready!  That's why September.  So when the girls go out, I can let loose and have a good time.  I can come back home refreshed and start all over in the dating world.   I really do need to take a break and figure me out.  


I want the best of both worlds.  I want a date and a booty call.   I want a boy friend that will act like a boyfriend when it suits me.  That guy friend that I can hang out with and watch sports  or the latest flick, but not have to be 'his'.  I want a guy who would treat me like I would treat him.  With respect and affection and honesty.  Be honest and say what we mean and feel.  Be affectionate when we are together in our own space, but let go at the door.  Nothing worse than a cling-on!  I want to be comfortable enough to spend the weekend with him and not have to check in the rest of the week.  At the same time I want a partner.  I know I am no where near ready for that though.


Funny, but my ultimate fantasy would be to have a man that I could build a successful business with.  A partner in life as well as in business.  Wow what a fantasy.  


Holy canole I'm frustrated, but I know just what would relax me... ;-)